CAGED

So...breakthrough....I think. :/

So last night I agreed to babysit last night. The thing is I had babysat for this family before and there is liquor in the apartment. I agreed and Idk why. I knew it was a bad idea. I was setting myself up for failure. I had a lot of thoughts. They preceeded as followed.

1-crap this is a bad idea
2-screw it I'm going to drink
3-no, no, no, I need to stay sober, I can do this.

So I went to my 7pm meeting and I asked her to hide the liquor and she did. She trusted me. It felt good to be trusted. Anyways. I was a nervous wreck. I had so much anxiety. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest and I couldn't breathe. I was in an apartment with liquor hidden somewhere and I couldn't drink it. :/ I was on the phone constantly with my sober contacts. At the end of the night I didn't drink. I'm so proud of myself, but the rest of the night was awful. My cravings were insane and I couldn't stop thinking about using. It sucked. :( Any ways I'm awake and my brain is going crazy. I feel sick I don't know why. My anxiety is like a 10 and I just woke up. UGH! Anyways so mile stone for me yay!